Sometimes, there are no words:
President Obama said his administration was looking at ways to resume White House tours for school groups.
“This was not a decision that went up to the White House,” noted Obama in an ABC News interview aired on Wednesday, saying the directive came from the Secret Service.
Take your time, sports fans. Let it all out. Laughter is good for what ails you. Now breathe deeply and mop up the spilled booze.
Politicians train like heavyweight contenders in the arcane art of taking credit for good things and evading the blame for bad ones. We come to expect it after a while. But no one has ever been as persistent and ridiculous a practitioner of that tactic as Barack Hussein Obama.
I'm running out of possible explanations for Obama. Not just for his tenure in office; for his very existence. Grover Cleveland's entire 1884 campaign pitch for the presidency was that "he is an honest man." And indeed he was. Faithful to the strict text of the Constitution, too. Did someone dig up Cleveland's corpse, purloin his brain, and develop a technique for producing its exact opposite?
Perhaps the matter should be left to future archeologists.
UPDATE: Commenter KG has rung in most plaintively:
I'd sooner the matter was resolved rather soon, and by a forensic pathologist.
Were it not for a certain Vice President Joseph R. Biden, I'd go for that without hesitation. As matters stand, it's unclear whether the cure would improve on the disease.