Have a joke on me:
Mrs. Smith and her lover Jones were enjoying one another in her bedroom when, much to their mutual surprise, they heard Mr. Smith's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God," Jones said, "he wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow. What now?"
Mrs. Smith thought furiously, went at once to her vanity, and grabbed a can of talcum powder. "Quick, get up, I'll cover you with this, and you can stand in the corner in an artsy pose. I'll tell him you're a new decoration."
"A statue, dummy," she said, reminding herself that she hadn't seduced him for his quickness of mind. "It's the only thing we have time to try, so let's do it!"
So they did, and Smith entered the room to find his wife apparently just awakening from a mid-day nap. "What's this, honey?" he said with a nod toward the "statue."
"Oh, I saw it at a yard sale and just had to have it," she said as she rose to greet him. "Bernice Johnson just got a statue for their bedroom, you know. It adds a touch of class, don't you think?"
He smiled and shrugged, they linked arms and left the room. Jones was contemplating how long it would be until he could make his getaway unseen, when Smith returned bearing a plate with a sandwich and a glass of milk. He strode directly up to the panicking Jones and offered the food to him as if there were nothing unusual about it.
"Here, eat something," Smith said. "I stood still as a rock over at the Johnsons for two whole days and nobody offered me even a glass of water."
(Evoked by this report from DownUnder.)